friendships, high school, psyche

Conditioning is something that has been a lot on my mind lately. Because of this post from Tumblr:

-If you can’t see it well, click on it!-


Conditioning means this:

A process of changing behaviour by rewarding or punishing a subject each time an action is performed.

I thought back to my biologie classes and was so relieved, like someone just told me “Hey! You aren’t a horrible person after all. Yay!”. I always thought the first thought you had was the real one, like an instinct and the thoughts after that one were there as afterthought. The more socially acceptable afterthought.

It means that every time you do something, you either get a reward (e.g. people laugh at your joke) or you get punished (e.g. people make nasty remarks at you). It basically says, you are either in or out of the group.

Being in high school means dealing with new people, new groups all the time and if you want to fit in… You have to adapt, a little at least. It’s like testing the water; see what the other person reacts well on (e.g. white girl jokes) or really not (e.g. satanic worshipping).

The picture says that the first thought you have is the conditioned one, the second one is your true thought. I think that theorie is right, by conditioning you can learn behaviour to save your life; like putting water immediately on your burn. That isn’t a reflex, letting go or the hot object is, but the water part is something you have conditioned you mind to think.

High school is like a hot pan on the stove, every time you get burned you find a way to get time stove to like you better, to accept you and.. wait what? Well, you know what I mean! My point is is that friends change you, bullies change you, experiences change you and sometimes you can’t find your way back to who you used to be.

You think all these negative things you never used to think and then you feel guilty, because you don’t even know this person, this girl/guy and you have this jealous, hateful opinion in your head, but that might not be you. It might just be how you survived all this time, because after you think “Jezus what a slut, she only wear that to get attention.” you think “Damn it, where the hell did that come from? I wish I looked that good in jeans, she’s just confident. Go you girl!”.

It’s something you taught yourself, because other have said it before you and that’s how you fit is. By thinking alike, but take a minute before you say anything, keep thinking and thinking until you get back to how you really feel and say that. Don’t get swept up in other people’s opinions if they make you feel bad. Conditioning is a good thing when it’s helping you fit in or saving your life in an accident, but it can also make you feel like you are a bad person. You are not, it’s the thought after the first one that defines you. If that is good, you are.