After my whole speech below (‘Seniors’) it turns out I will stay at my school 2 more years. Ugh.
As much as the thought of leaving filled me with nostalgia and this bittersweet feeling of goodbye… Staying makes me feel both incredibly excited to do well and be better, but also makes me feel indecisive and anxious.
I stand at crossroads. When I was researching ancient Greek mythology for a paper I learned about Hecate, the Goddess of Crossroads.
She is this magical, powerful being who let’s you decide your fate on the choices you make. You always have 3 choices in front of you: West, North and East. You also have a fourth option: to not make a choice and go backwards. To go South. You can never stop moving, you only choose which way you’ll go. Crossroads.
Going for another 2 years at my school is something that I needed badly. It’s not just what I need to get into a university. It’s like a second chance. My last 1 to 2 years I regressed as a person. When I stood at my crossroads then I chose backwards. I still regret it.
I believe everything happens so you can learn from it. I’ve learned that I can never let that happen again. Some bad stuff happened and I felt like I didn’t deserve to go forward again. I kept giving my friends space until I was completely isolated in the end. Its easy to do this, ridiculously easy even. It’s even more ridiculous how hard it is to get back to the point you started at.
Now I feel like I have a clean slate: most people I knew from school are gone and now I can be whoever I want to be. But…
Who the hell is that?