Faith restored

boys, friendships

Okay, so I was talking to my guy friend Jeremy, on Messenger and we started talking about awkwardness when meeting new people and J said that he was such a wreck when talking to new girls. My jaw dropped. “GUYS HAVE THAT TOO?!” I basically screamed at my phone.

All this time I was thinking that the role of awkward lead character was going to us girls, but here J was saying that guys are just as nervous. Where was this info all my life?

He said that he was like one of those typical awkward guys from the movies(I still don’t know what movies he is talking about, I only see the awkward girls everywhere, but okay). He doesn’t know what to talk about and get’s super nervous. I showed him this gem of a picture, because it basically describes my entire life.

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He said he could relate, haha. I still can’t believe that most guys are just as nervous as we are. J made it seem like he was so nervous with new girls that he could only mumble awkwardly and make weird remarks and that is supposed to be my role.

I guess it does matter what sort of vibe(as a girl) you give off. If you act all high-and-mighty and don’t comfort the dude at all, you can expect him to become a wreck right? So lets not do that, but still… It is really nice to know that meeting new people is anxiety inducing to everyone. It’s not just for girls. Now that he told me I do notice it,  sometimes when I talk to a guy he might get red, laugh nervously or get fidgety with his hands. To me now, those are little signs that you can have an affect on others too, not just them on you. And damn, that feels good.

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Soulmate or regular Joe?

boys, psyche

This week, when I was jogging(or better said walking) with Anna we started talking about soulmates.

Anna, whom I had never expected this from, said she maybe did. She said that sometimes things happen that are too weird to be just a coincidence. She said that when stuff like that happens you have to wonder if there is some kind of destiny out there.

Wow, think about it. What if there was some greater destiny to make sure you end up with the right person? How great would that be? Then the pressure is kinda off the whole dating thing, because you know all the bad dates and stuff happens just to make you into the person you need to become before you can meet your guy or girl.

But the thing is, even if destiny is real,
we would never know, would we? You have to have a huge amount of faith in something that could never be proven.
(Kind of like all religions, I guess)

Blair from GossipGirl says that destiny is for losers. She says “It’s just some stupid excuse to wait for things to happen instead of making them happen.” She’s got a point.

Is it maybe better to believe in finding a great person and working on your relationship rather than thinking you’ll meet this insanely amazing and think everything will just be perfect after that?

Studies have shown that people with the more realistic view(who believe in relationships that need work to grow) actually have longer lasting ones than the soulmate peeps. I thinks that’s because the soulmate-believers give up a lot sooner on someone when they come across someone’s flaws. They think ‘Oh, he can’t be my soulmate, my soulmate would never be a little vain.’ And they move on, throwing away someone whom they might just be really happy with.

In fact, why do we dump someone for having flaws? That would mean we were perfect, and let’s be honest, no one is.

Okay, I’m gonna get all nerdy now. When we fall in love we, at first, we don’t look at how compatible we are and stuff. We don’t look at what kind of children you would get with that person.

That all happens later when the prefrontal cortex get’s in the game. That part of the brain is more of planning and weighing the pro’s and con’s against each other. Before that, when you are in the phase when you can’t stop thinking about someone, it has nothing to do with finding someone who is right for you in the future, but all the more with getting a rush when you see them. About instant results, nothing longterm.

So when you fall in love it’s a lot like getting high on teh other person, instead of being compatible and perfect for the other. How do we know if that person is a perfect fit,or if he or she might still be very wrong for us?

The answer is quite simple if we ask Dick Swaab, my all time hero and writer of the book ‘We are our brain’. After the initial falling in love phase, our brain moves on to the more serious part and we actually start picturing a future with someone. So if you make it past that stage, you know it’s for real. If you don’t, well, sometimes a person just isn’t right for you, even though that sucks.

All of this is why I vote Regular Joe! If you can truly accept someone for who he is, flaws and all… Who says he or she can’t be your soulmate? Because that’s kind of what a soulmate is right? Someone who is a perfect fit for you and whom you can be happy with the rest of your life. If you can accept someone completely, chances are you will only see the good parts of them after a while and you’ll want to keep them close for the rest of your life, not just talking about love here, friendship too.

Damn

boys

Don’t you sometimes wish you could actually say what you were thinking?

I have this all the time and I know my friend Gemma has this too, we both kind of have an eye for interesting looking guys and every now and we always say “Daaaymnn”. Sometimes the guy in question hears though. The embarrassment is real you guys.

I was at a film gala sort of thing. This insanely hot dude comes on stage and I was thinking “Daaaymn”. Apparently I forgot I was front row, sitting 3 feet from him and that it was super quiet. Yes, apparently I forgot all that because I said that “Daaaaymn.” out loud. Very loud. Heads turning, me sinking away in my chair, that guy probably hearing. A night to forget rather than remember.

But let’s say it isn’t about showing you appreciation of the opposite gender in a somewhat vocal way, but when you really want to speak your mind. Like when that annoying boy who sits in bio with you makes yet another nasty remark at someone or when you actually, really like someone and it’s not yet ‘appropriate’ too.

My friend Gemma seems to be the only other person who understands me when I say that I really like a boy, when I have only spoken once to him. See, we can see the future in it’s best of ways.. The fake, made-up kind. We could see ourselves have a first date, deep conversations and baby’s with a guy we see walking down the street. Now imagine us talking to a real life guy. Wow. And we are quite easily impressed too because it only takes two things for us to go from “Oh he’s nice” to “He’s so pretty I wanna cry”.

1. He needs to either have our sense of humor or the same taste in music or pretty much anything we like too and BAM.

2.The lighting. Carrie from Sex and the City called it the zaza-zoo “You know that butterfly in your stomach thing”. Well, we call it the lighting, you know when you lock eyes and it feels like your heart explodes. Ha, beat that Carrie!

When a guy has those two things he has us and it’s really not that hard since we create number 2 mostly because we are so nervous, seeing our crush and all.

What really bugs me is that I can’t say “I like you” to a guy, when I do. Like what’s with all the secrecy? It’s bullshit, I would love to tell some dude “I like you” even if it’s weird because it’s only the second time we talked. “I like you” does not mean “Marry me and love me forever!” in secret girl-language. But how great would it be if there was a secret girl language? That would be amazing.

Anyways guys always complain about girls being so vague, should we just tell them what we think and be honest about what we feel and want? Or would that be a whole new level of creepy? If we told them the truth about what went on in our heads would they run for the hills with their tails between their legs?

They probably would, maybe it’s better to just ease them into our crazy, haha. But still, does that mean we shouldn’t be frank when it comes to how we feel about the dude himself? Does that mean we have to keep pretending to not like a guy even when we totally do? I always see these girls in movies saying “I like you” in this oh-so casual way and the guy says something like “right back at ya” and there’s no freaking out, there is only a mild awkwardness and nothin’ else. You know what, I’m going to use that move, guys come out of the blue with stupid and bold pick-up lines all the time(sadly). So a nonchalant and simple “I like you” can’t hurt right?  I think, ladies, if we keep it simple and ease them into the whirlwind of thoughts that go on beneath that humongous hair we will be allright. Just don’t Ted up(HIMYM joke, sorry) and say “I think I’m in love with you” on your first date, that would be awkward.

byee.

Boys love being ignored

boys

My friend Anna told me this fact and I seriously didn’t believe it, but it’s true: boys love being ignored.

There once was this guy and he wanted me to come over and hang out, get a drink. I really didn’t want to and said no. Poof! Like magic his interest in me went from average to constant texts and I could count on a call every weekend. Why is it that we need to ignore a guy for a guy to notice us?

Some people have stated that it’s probably a primal thing, where men still need a hunt in order to feel like they accomplished something. I don’t like it that in this statement the chick is the prey. No thank you. But maybe there is some truth to that statement, like this instinct is still in their DNA. Playing hard to get can be sexy, but what if you’re hard to want? Then what? You are just subtlety ignoring someone who doesn’t even know you exist. That’s the huge flaw in the hard-to-get game, if the other person isn’t interested in you, you can’t play.

But the question remains: why? What is the fun in it? Are guys even aware that they are driven by this law that a girl is only interesting if she isn’t interested? Do they know how annoying that is?!

I did research. My friend Steven had asked me the night before if I wanted to hang out. I was already about 3 hours asleep in my flannel jammies when he sent that, I mean dude it’s 01:00 am what do you expect from me? The next morning I had asked him why he was texting me and after he responded I ignored him the rest of the day. It was late at night when he caught me ignoring him and he asked me to the movies. So far Anna was right. The movies fell through and it became a hangout at his house with his friend Joe.

The hangout itself was pretty okay, after some discussions going nowhere I asked them point blank “Is playing hard-to-get sexy?”. After the initial shock of the question they answered that they both didn’t like it much, they didn’t like being ignored. Jeez, welcome to my world boys. I’ve got a masters degree in being ignored as my Twitter hero Fat Amy would say.

But they also said that a girl who says yes at the first try is probably desperate. Ergo you need to play hard ball or you’ll seem way too eager. I don’t really understand why a girl would seem desperate or over-eager if she says yes to a drink when a guy asks her. Don’t ask if you don’t want an answer.

A girl is supposed to be arrogant, but not too arrogant. A girl is supposed to play it cool or she’ll seem desperate. A girl is supposed to be absolutely gorgeous and the guys what do they look like? Yeah, they don’t have Efron’s abs or Gosling’s face and they certainly don’t have Dicaprio’s charm, no no. But in their minds they have all of that and more apparently because they act like they can get any girl.

So to the guys, here’s my advice: don’t act like you have the ability to be choosy. Try and be a nice guy and if that fails, hit the gym. Hard. Then we can talk.

To the girls, if you watch ‘How I Met Your Mother’ and you should, you know JLo is in one of the episodes. She plays writer Anita, she’s on Robyn’s news show where she talk about her new book called ‘Of Course You’re Still Single Take A Look At Yourself You Dumb Slut’ and damn it, she has a point. If you like a guy and he seems interested in you, sadly you can’t just say “Yes, yes a million times yes!” the very first time he asks you for a drink. Decline a couple of times and he’ll come running. Anita talks about the power of saying no and it seemed to work very well for her and who am I to argue with JLo?

Boys are dumb, like really really dumb and they will always drive us crazy, that’s just a fact. Tough if you know what the rules to the game are, you can actually start playing. And maybe even win.

Byee.