Soulmate or regular Joe?

boys, psyche

This week, when I was jogging(or better said walking) with Anna we started talking about soulmates.

Anna, whom I had never expected this from, said she maybe did. She said that sometimes things happen that are too weird to be just a coincidence. She said that when stuff like that happens you have to wonder if there is some kind of destiny out there.

Wow, think about it. What if there was some greater destiny to make sure you end up with the right person? How great would that be? Then the pressure is kinda off the whole dating thing, because you know all the bad dates and stuff happens just to make you into the person you need to become before you can meet your guy or girl.

But the thing is, even if destiny is real,
we would never know, would we? You have to have a huge amount of faith in something that could never be proven.
(Kind of like all religions, I guess)

Blair from GossipGirl says that destiny is for losers. She says “It’s just some stupid excuse to wait for things to happen instead of making them happen.” She’s got a point.

Is it maybe better to believe in finding a great person and working on your relationship rather than thinking you’ll meet this insanely amazing and think everything will just be perfect after that?

Studies have shown that people with the more realistic view(who believe in relationships that need work to grow) actually have longer lasting ones than the soulmate peeps. I thinks that’s because the soulmate-believers give up a lot sooner on someone when they come across someone’s flaws. They think ‘Oh, he can’t be my soulmate, my soulmate would never be a little vain.’ And they move on, throwing away someone whom they might just be really happy with.

In fact, why do we dump someone for having flaws? That would mean we were perfect, and let’s be honest, no one is.

Okay, I’m gonna get all nerdy now. When we fall in love we, at first, we don’t look at how compatible we are and stuff. We don’t look at what kind of children you would get with that person.

That all happens later when the prefrontal cortex get’s in the game. That part of the brain is more of planning and weighing the pro’s and con’s against each other. Before that, when you are in the phase when you can’t stop thinking about someone, it has nothing to do with finding someone who is right for you in the future, but all the more with getting a rush when you see them. About instant results, nothing longterm.

So when you fall in love it’s a lot like getting high on teh other person, instead of being compatible and perfect for the other. How do we know if that person is a perfect fit,or if he or she might still be very wrong for us?

The answer is quite simple if we ask Dick Swaab, my all time hero and writer of the book ‘We are our brain’. After the initial falling in love phase, our brain moves on to the more serious part and we actually start picturing a future with someone. So if you make it past that stage, you know it’s for real. If you don’t, well, sometimes a person just isn’t right for you, even though that sucks.

All of this is why I vote Regular Joe! If you can truly accept someone for who he is, flaws and all… Who says he or she can’t be your soulmate? Because that’s kind of what a soulmate is right? Someone who is a perfect fit for you and whom you can be happy with the rest of your life. If you can accept someone completely, chances are you will only see the good parts of them after a while and you’ll want to keep them close for the rest of your life, not just talking about love here, friendship too.

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